Letters float out of my mouth and out into space
Rising to the top, bursting and disappearing like bubbles
They aren’t describing my pictures
Pictures like screenshots
Quick snapshot pictures
Sometimes layered together quickly
An lengthy novel of feelings and opinions, patterns, and realizations
Exemplified in a series of short screenshots inside
10 seconds in, I’ve read that 500 page novel.
I understand a lot. Feelings, Relations, Circumstances, Errors…
Can’t summarize my screenshots well. How one makes letters to words to feelings to come out -floating from their mouth to someone else’s mind and they understand what you are expressing. Slim.
Using analogies and metaphors, and waving my hands and fingers in the air to draw examples in front of me off to the side to the left. Like right here (drawing diagram).
Trying desperately to not sound crazy.
Back to our..
Difficulties in our communication (together)
My pictures and screenshots layer faster. Your words don’t match my inside flashes, like stills from a movie. I get confused. I’m trying to clarify. Unsuccessfully.
I can no longer look at you. I need to go now.
To look and concentrate on my stills, my screenshot pictures, my simply drawn diagrams that express a multitude of experiences or feelings that add up or get mixed up.
I can no longer be interrupted. Do not touch me. No, do not hug me. No, I’m not needing reassurance. No, I’m not needing affection. Yuck. No, I can’t talk with you, no. Stop looking at me. I’m getting anxiety. I need to run. Away. I need my safe space. Where is my cat. Why don’t I have an area free of things, free of people, free of too many colours and sounds. I can’t express these things. No, you haven’t made me feel bad. I’m having difficulty inside, to get it outside. I don’t get why I can’t be different. My frown on my face is back-deep concentration inside. I don’t see things around me anymore. Was I cooking? I can’t even remember to ask myself this.
Trying to avoid sympathetic overly intense , gone on too long eyes. Stop. Let me do my own thing. Leave me alone. That ticking inside the dryer. Is driving me crazy right now too. Shooting at me like darts.
All I can muster besides slight grunts and sound effects is “I’m FINE”…I know I am not. But, I this is every day. I’m tired of it. I just don’t want to be around humans. No, I’m not crazy, I feel like sometimes they clog my head up with too much information.
Us, people. Too complicated.